i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
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I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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