Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
