Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
