I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
