this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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