i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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