yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
