id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It was confusing and full of hummus
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
