flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
