There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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