mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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