??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its not stalking. its research.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
