Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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