Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
