Barsexuality is the new black.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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