Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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