She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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