In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize