i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
