should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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