A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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