i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
