Will you blow on my dice?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
