Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
