I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
