...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
