Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
