to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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