Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
