My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
