I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
