New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
