Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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