so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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