Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize