you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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