Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
