I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
