Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
