She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
