Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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