john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
