so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We had to coat check the pizza.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
my liver is dry heaving
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
