You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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