i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
