To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
