Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
