I just saw a hot homeless man
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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