I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
