Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
