I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
