Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
