Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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