What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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