remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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