Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
