you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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