Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
