In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
