just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
