He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
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He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
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Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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