I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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