So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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