I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
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Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
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I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize