Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
