this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
