my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
