This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
