he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
