whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
