need another drink. this is the easiest way
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
