I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
