i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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